Happy New Year’s friends! It’s 2023, are we all ready for the new year, new me vibes?
If you read my last post, I totally fixed myself in 3 weeks so I’m totally all good now 🙂
Lol just joking I didn’t but I definitely made progress.
There were many highs and lows of 2022 but overall it was a tough year for me. I’ll just be real.
So I don’t want to have another repeat.
Last year I decided on no new years resolutions and it shows.
This year I did a little audit of my life to dig into where and how I want to improve.
Overall my goals all align to one thing: Wellness.
So I think I’ll have a word of the year, I guess that’s a step towards something more meaningful vs. no resolutions haha.
Honestly idk if anyone is interested in reading this but I’m pretty interested in writing this and doing a comparison in December if I’m still around writing on this blog to see how far I’ve gotten so if you’re in for this, grab a warm drink or snack and let’s get started 🙂
Life Audit
I hit a new low in December. Mentally, physically, emotional, pretty much in every part of my life. It hurt pretty bad and I just didn’t want to continue sitting in that space.
I made some tweaks including changing up my eating habits and started journaling with The Five Minute Journal.
Typically I make changes for about twoish weeks then I’m like wow my life has improved drastically I must be fixed!
Then I quickly fall back into my bad habits and end up feeling worse about myself.
This time I really don’t want to get back into that hole. I’m pretty sure I’m a high functioning depressed person so when I get down, it gets really dark.
Going into 2023 I wanted to continue the good habits I started and continue to build new ones.
We went on vacation for a week to celebrate our anniversary and it was exactly what I needed. I had time to literally do nothing but listen to the ocean and relax. It was the rest I needed as I realized I’m chronically stressed whether I want to be or not.
And I don’t want to keep living that way.
Now that we’re back I’m ready to dive into different sections of my life and plan a way to continue building on this momentum to a healthier & happier me.
I used the Wheel of Life to think about different parts of my life. This is an audit to help you figure out how you feel about different sections of your life. If you Google it you’ll see this little wheel diagram and a much better description lol.
The Wheel of Life evaluates the following states: Mental, Emotional, Physical, Environmental, Social, Recreational, and Spiritual.
If you’re still with me, I’m going to really break it down and get personal. This was a really useful exercise for me to do so if you’re debating it – I highly recommend taking the time and reflecting!
Mental
This is definitely one of my weakest areas. Since I started the 5 Minute Journal I have noticed an improvement of my overall outlook and mood. I’m definitely considering trying another journal as I think spending time reflecting is beneficial.
I just like to lie to myself that I don’t have time.
Two additional things I’m considering for 2023 are meditation and therapy.
I started wearing my Apple Watch again and it has built in mindfulness minutes. So I think I’ll try to do those during the day but I would love to start a meditation practice again. I used to do that back in like 2015-2017.
I had a big accident in 2017 and broke my knee. I don’t think I have fully mentally recuperated from it to be brutally honest. I kind of think of my life in two sections before 2017 and after. After has felt not as great which is probably why I’m where I’m at.
I think I’m still grieving the loss of who I was before and who I thought I would be at this point in my life. I’m beginning to accept the only one holding me back is me but it’s a lesson I’m trying to learn every day.
Partially that’s why I’m considering therapy. Well I’m considering therapy for numerous reasons as I know I probably have something undiagnosed. I went to school for social work and maybe I’m an over analyzer but the way I know myself, I know there’s some kind of an imbalance in my brain.
I just have a very strong distrust for clinicians, ironically lol. I think going to school for social work really showed that therapists aren’t going to magically fix you. If they’re good they’re going to give you tools to help you which I know most of the tools.
Do I implement them tho? No lol so maybe I need the accountability.
But I know it’ll be a long time for me to find the right therapist and prob longer to feel safe in that space. I’m a first generation Asian American and a child of refugees so there’s a lot of cultural and political things I would want my therapist to understand and/or have experienced. I do not want to have to explain things and chance a trap door making myself feel worse questioning why the heck I was there in the first place.
Maybe I’m being too picky but that’s just what I’ve been thinking.
I might try something online like BetterHelp or actually do the work to find the right therapist but it’s not a high priority at the moment as for the most part I’m in a mentally okay space.
Honestly if I can just keep up with the 5 Minute Journal to the end of the journal that would be a huge win lol.
Emotional
I get a little confused between mental and emotional lol. Maybe that’s a me problem.
I started using positive affirmations from the Five Minute Journal and that has been such a mood booster. So I’m going to continue doing that to help rewire my brain.
I also ordered positive affirmation cards because being positive doesn’t come easy to me no lie. So maybe using these cards will help.
I want to start journaling more than what the 5 Minute Journal offers. I think maybe something like Silk and Sonder would help me think about my emotions. I like to write and I think I process more through writing than I do talking so it could be helpful.
Talking just isn’t it depending on who because it gives me major anxiety and half the time I don’t remember things I say. I guess with writing there’s a record for my potato brain to look back on ha.
And lastly I want to start reading again. The last time I did a lot of reading it was to prepare myself to go into a PHD program with a focus on social justice. I hyper focused on reading very heavy topic books that definitely spiraled me into a state of hopelessness so I haven’t really picked up reading again since.
This time I want to read books that will nourish my brain and help me understand myself instead lol. A few I’m thinking of are Do Nothing, Burnout, and Don’t Panic. If you have any recommendations please let me know!
Physical
Since my December 2022 spiral was set off because of my health, this section is pretty lengthy. I did start some of these habits last month so I’m just hoping to continue the lifestyle and improve on healthy habits.
I want to eat healthier for wellness. I don’t want to diet. Please no, I want to leave that in my 20s because spoiler diets never worked for me long term.
I’m hoping to make a lifestyle change for the better. I have the means and ability to eat healthier, I unfortunately also have the ease and convenience to make unhealthy choices. So just trying to shift into thinking healthy foods are good for me instead of boring lol.
I started Noom and it’s definitely interesting. I’m skeptic but I’m trying to lean into the science. I’m going to do my best to stick with it and see if the program works out.
I’d really like to start doing something to move my body. I’m thinking of yoga, exercise bicycle, and playing something on VR to be active. I also purchased a walking pad as I know I just have to start somewhere.
I typically spend my day seated and I also use my bad knee as an excuse to stay seated. I read somewhere that sitting all day is the new smoking so I know I just need to move my body in some way.
Again this is an area for me to let go and grieve the me from 2017.
I used to be pretty active, definitely not the picture of perfect health don’t get me confused lol, but I was able to run and actually voluntarily did fun runs haha. Running for fun sounds like a nightmare now.
My physical therapist said I should be able to run but it just feels so weird on my knee like I don’t want to overdo it and injure myself but I think that’s just a mental roadblock I tell myself.
So I’m just starting with where I’m at, accepting where I’m at, and will continue to build forward.
Other healthy habits I’m hoping to build include going to bed by 11PM, starting a skincare routine, and scheduling doctor appointments. The last one I’m really bad at and have a list of calls I need to make this month ugh lol.
Environmental
This has been a continual struggle for me. We moved from a 3 bedroom house to a one bedroom apartment in 2020 and it has not been enough room for the almost 3 years we have lived here.
But I won’t dwell on that. I need to focus on what I can do.
Two areas that could help improve that are going through what I like to call our Friends closet (it’s exactly like the one from the tv show Friends, don’t open it!) to get rid of things we haven’t touched in the time we’ve been here. I don’t know how but that closet seriously looks like it imploded on itself anytime we can open the door.
The second thing is to get into a routine to clean everyday to keep it tidy. I like to give everything the good old college soak but I realized leaving things out really stresses me out. I just feel so much better when I wake up and things are clean and clear.
I think the lie I tell myself is that I don’t have energy or time but seriously it’ll take me like 20 mins to do max. I’d just rather veg out and play video games lol so maybe I’ll have to incorporate that into the mix to give myself some motivation.
Social
I’m in an ironic spot of having too much social interaction but still feeling very lonely. I think that’s due to my engagement on social media so I’m def going to start limiting that. I’m not exactly sure what that will look like yet but I’m considering only going on social media at certain times and maybe even taking Sundays off from social media.
I definitely fall into doom scrolling and worse, comparison. I think while my gaming insta has done a lot of good things it has brought in negative habits for me as well.
I never used to be that into social media, I would have waves similar to this of doing some comparison here and there but never to the magnitude of how poorly I feel about myself now.
I get a lot of virtual interaction so I’m thinking I probably need something in person. Since we moved I haven’t made any new friends locally so I’m considering going to in person social events.
Honestly just the thought is petrifying so we’ll see if that happens.
I think it’d prob be best if I just called my friends and family. So that might be in the cards this year.
Recreational
This is an area I definitely over indulge in lol. Obviously, gaming is in this category and something I want to spend more time doing without the looming idea of content creation.
Content creation sigh. This definitely falls into recreational even tho last year it for sure felt like more of a job.
This year I want to scale back. I need to focus on my wellness so I can’t be doing everything and anything under the sun when it comes to content creation.
My two priorities are this blog and Spooky Pasta Sauce the podcast I co-host. Out of everything I did last year I think these are the two I enjoy the most.
That being said I don’t want to ditch Instagram and Twitch. I just need to scale back while I focus on my wellness and improving my quality of life.
I also kind of hinted at this in my last blog post but I think I’m going to do a rebrand I guess lol. I’m not a marketer so I dunno what it’s called.
But I want to share more about myself not just games. I know, there’s definitely a formula for “success” as a “creator”.
I didn’t get into all of this to be a gaming creator, I just wanted to make friends lol.
So now that I kinda know how to be a creator, I think I need to figure out what I want that to look like for me.
I tried really hard to do the whole gaming thing and it left me feeling hollow in a way since I was mostly chasing trends or doing what I thought would work/be popular.
Writing this has been a little therapeutic in a way so I think I’ll continue mixing in more personal type of blogs like this as I continue on my journey of wellness.
I’ve also been dabbling with the idea of talking about travel because it’s something I enjoy doing and something I forget about in my head lol. So a written account would be nice to have in the future.
I guess realistically I’ve come to terms that I don’t think this whole thing is a business.
There’s such a push to side hustle and create a business. I’ve been sitting in that gray area of whether this is a passion project or a business. Leaning into business definitely made this stressful and look I got enough stress in my life haha.
So I’m just gonna spend time this year figuring out what I like and if it “works” cool.
If not then at least I’m doing something I like and figuring out what works for me and hopefully meeting some cool folks along the way.
If you follow me on Insta, it’s prob gonna look really different once I return as I think it’ll be more of an extension of this blog if anything.
Spiritual
I was kind of shocked to realize how low I am in this category but then again I’m not that surprised. I really had to read a few different blogs to understand how this part of the wheel worked.
I grew up a pretty dedicated Christian and spent a lot of time in the Church. That fizzled out hard in my mid twenties tho. I’ve come to realize more of the flaws since taking a step back. While I still identify as a Christian, I definitely don’t see myself voluntarily stepping foot in a church anytime soon.
Some things I read for this section weren’t for me like tarot cards or an astrology chart. While I will read these types of things in passing it’s just not something I can follow.
Other recommendations were time in nature and identifying values/what’s meaningful to you.
If anything, I’ve come to accept that I am not a “nature person”. Please never invite me to go hiking, because I will go since you asked but I most likely don’t want to be there haha.
We do debate on camping and it just hasn’t happened, probably because of me lol. But I do think there is benefit from being in the right kind of nature that fits you.
On vacation I realized how much I loved the ocean and how much I missed spending days at the beach. I haven’t been able to since before COVID. So my husband and I have talked about prioritizing time to go to the ocean this summer and I think that’s something that would work for me.
I’m hoping to incorporate more walks outside. Our dog has had a lot of energy since we came back so I think it would be good for all of us.
If it feels like I’m rambling, I am because I’m avoiding the other half.
Identifying values and what’s meaningful to you is so… unclear. I feel like I had a better grasp or idea of this pre-COVID.
Between all the things that happened with living in a pandemic, then stack on the wave of Asian hate, and finally add all of the things I have learned about US history and system in regards to racism and social justice I just haven’t been able to pick myself back up to where I used to be.
Truthfully, my spirit has been pretty crushed.
I think being a part of the Church really gave me a lot of meaning before. Then when I departed I focused more on my family and friends. And now that I’ve moved away with no family or friends physically here, what is left? Focusing on me?
Spiritually I’m in a very dry place. I bring up these types of questions every now and then which I kind of have to approach a certain way. I’m someone who has struggled for majority of my life with depression so it’s definitely touchy when I’m in a low place asking what is the point of life.
I’m not really sure what to do with this area of my life but I think it’s okay to not have all the answers. I think just being aware that this area is lacking is a good step for me because I think I’ve just been shoving it down and ignoring it.
Plus I think working on the other areas of my life will help make this clear again in time or open me up to want to explore and figure out what is meaningful to me.
Wrap it up
This is an exceptionally long post haha but I feel a lot better writing it all out. I’m pretty hesitant on posting it but I think I’m just gonna go with it.
I know reading about other peoples journey is helpful. I at least don’t feel so isolated or like I’m the only one dealing with something. So if this can do that for even one person, then it’s a good thing I shared.
If you’re this far and debating on doing a Wheel of Life audit, for sure I recommend.
Even if it’s just putting pen to paper or jotting down a few words in your phone notes doooo it! Mentally I’m feeling better and dare I say optimistic for 2023.
Cheers to a year focusing on wellness.
Good luck on your quest,
Momo
Hi, I’m Momo! I’m a gamer, streamer, and digital creator. I love chatting about video games, anime, and manga. If you liked this blog go check out other spots I lurk on the interwebz!
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